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"You should go on home, Margo."  said one of her teachers. The graduation party the school was holding was wrapping up, and most of it's guests had long gone. Margo gave a small nod, and proceeded toward the bike rack to remove its shackle holding it there. She had always preferred to ride her bike, because she lived close enough to her school that it was no real hassle, and it kept her in decent shape.
She sped down the sidewalk, making a note to be careful because it was already dark. And who knows what crazies were out on graduation night. She screeched to a halt at an intersection, the street was clear but she played good little pedestrian and hit the crosswalk button and waited. Soon enough the light changed and she proceeded to cross. She heard the faint sound of a car approaching full speed, and hurried to finish crossing.  Upon reaching the other side she saw a sports car speed through the red light, swerve severely, and then swerve the other direction to supposedly correct direction.
"Stupid drunk idiots..." she sighed, and continued going. Along her path she pondered about many things, how she will go on later and attend college in state, even though all of her friends have plans in colleges or are moving out of state. How life will be on her own. Who she may eventually meet and possibly marry some day. She started across another street. Bright lights shown on her approaching quickly, she was lost in thought. The car laid on the horn, she turned her head suddenly to see the sports car from earlier, and tightly shut them.
She is thrown into the air, and lands in some soft sands. She groans and opens her eyes.
"W-what the..." she says and hefts herself onto her knees. It was day and she was on a beach of an island.
"Where am I.... Is this heaven?" she got up and checked herself over... no wounds... she glanced out to sea, then inland where a vast forest and in the distance misty mountains stood. She felt energized by the beautiful panoramic scene set before her. It was strange, she felt as though she had a greater ability now than what she had before she subsequently died, that is if she is.
She proceeded into the forests. The growth seemed off.. the trees were tangled together, and looked like they've been there for thousands of years. After a while she began to hear the sounds of birds. She struggled to climb through the branches, arching upstanding roots and whole fallen trees.
She stops on a root, it was arched straight towards the sun, and was easily four times as thick as she was. She crouched to rest. Where am I... I don't think I'm dead otherwise I wouldn't get tired so easily... She thought.
She got back up and proceeded to move forward, hopefully able to find someone who could explain this to her. She stepped on a patch of moss and slipped off the root, landing on the ground with a thud.
"Oooouch..." she said aloud, and rubbed the back of her head as she sat up. On a branch sat a brilliant yellow gold bird, staring at her. It reminded her of a crane. There was a rumble, and the bird took off on ahead of the direction Margo was heading. Another rumble, something was coming. Margo got up and started moving as quickly as she could, behind the golden bird. The rumbles quickened and increased in magnetude. She climbed up on an toppled tree and looked behind her to see a large green lizard-like creature gaining on her, and closing the gap quickly, by the time she got on the ground again and moving, the beast was on top of her.
"HOLY CRAP!" she shouted, as the monster easily started to break the tree in half with its weight on top of it. It glanced downward at her and she started running as fast as she could. It's giant claws batting at her occasionally when it had the chance, Margo barely escaping them.
Margo was fighting a loosing battle. She was loosing willpower quick. Suddenly there is a series of loud crashes. Like something was being bashed against the large overgrowth over and over. Margo turns back to see an equally large body of a snake-like creature go by as fast as a train. Whatever it was, she was glad it was hungry.

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critique pleez

NOTE: i realize some of this sounds a touch awkward, such as the opening and well.. Margo's overall exsistance. but this is a test page to see how other people like the idea of a normal earth-bound human ascends to planeswalker status.

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July 6, 2010
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:iconluanmiandol:
nice! she sounds almost like my planeswalker, only, you know, less in denial about the world before her Spark ignited... I really like it!
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:iconjandorgr:
NICE!!! When i first saw it and read till the first paragraph only, although it has a good title, i left it for some days (mainly due to having a great deal of other work...) thinking it as smthing of no importance or nothing to "give to the reader"... But when i read it today, i was hopefully wrong... Of course it's short and test-like. But it has potential :)

The idea of a normal person becoming a planeswalker with the way you wrote it (e.g. writing snake like creature and not wurm) can be fruitful and wouldn't discourage people (not familiar with creature like that) from reading it....

Do you think she could make an appearance in our club's plane, if that island isn't there already???
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:iconsabre-night:
~Sabre-Night Jul 10, 2010  Professional Traditional Artist
I hadn't thought of that! maybe I can have her skirt around some of the plane's happenings before she manages to take off to another plane. but excellent idea. And yeah I figured it would be good to write it like that so both people familiar with MtG and people who aren't could read it and not feel lost, while adding that element of the guessing game to see what is what, for example the birds of paradise, Enormous Baloth, and Duskdale Wurm. I'm going to post a character description soon, and a picture of her once i get a new damn scanner.
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:iconjandorgr:
Birds of paradise!! Haha.. When i read in the description that she is a planeswaker, i thought that the "brilliant yellow gold bird" might well be a bird of paradise... :)
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:icongamniac:
nice story so far.
circumstances for ignition of the Spark seem to be just right.
all I'm wondering about now is what plane she wound up in.
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:iconsabre-night:
~Sabre-Night Jul 8, 2010  Professional Traditional Artist
Right now she's on some random plane that might or might not exsist.

this being sort of a test page and possibly no genuine hold on the story she may wind up in ravnica for all i know right now.
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:iconuncle-ben:
It's a decent story. However, all this is Greek to me.
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:iconsabre-night:
~Sabre-Night Jul 7, 2010  Professional Traditional Artist
a girl running from a giant lizard-beast creature only to have it get eaten by an even bigger sname creature is greek? that sounds like any basic fantasy novel.
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:iconuncle-ben:
Like I said. The story as it stands is decent. It's a story and it is followable. This is not my beef.

The whole "ascended", "green", "red", "blue","planeswalker" is Greek to me. Although some of the monsters are a little undefined for me. Yes, I can tell they are big and probably dinosaur-ish, but beyond that the names mean nothing to me.

Does that clear things up?
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:iconsabre-night:
~Sabre-Night Jul 7, 2010  Professional Traditional Artist
I probably will rarely meantion the actual creature names, as more of a guessing game for those who do know what they might be, and if i just said for example "The Enormous Baloth chased her" its rather boring, and readers like you, who don't know what the hell that is, don't break from the story. So instead i'm going to break down what they look like, or how they act.
If you follow allong further, you'll see that very little of the actual card game lingo will be used, if any at all.

the colors will get explained, the "planeswalker" bit will too Ascending will be connected to that so yeah.

But I understand what you mean. and for the sake of both sides of the reader's knowlege coin, Its not going to read like a confusing card game, its going to read like a fantasy universe.
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